I love the morning. It is my favorite time of day. My desk sits right up against the window sill and just outside are bird feeders and beautiful flowers. My ritual is to open the window and do my prayers and meditation. I sit in the silence as the morning comes to life, as the birds start to sing and the sun begins to quietly open the day. Yesterday, after doing so my mother came dancing into my thoughts.
Mom has dementia and lives in Wisconsin so I don’t get to be with her as often as I wish I could. Like most daughter’s in that situation I live with the guilt and sadness of not being there. As the days pass, she slips a little bit further into herself. I have to remind myself that although we feel like she is slipping away from us, there is something truly wonderful happening at the same time. She is preparing herself and moving closer to returning to her “True Home”. And when she is ready, and not a moment before, she will close her eyes and the angels will come to guide her back to be with her Father.
I have these lovely moments when I feel her so strongly. It’s like she’s dancing between the worlds as she prepares herself for her next journey. I often feel she is more out of her body than in. I love to sit in these moments, feeling her presence and remembering our lives together when we were both much younger. Yesterday was one of those precious moments. As I thought of her, I could see her in my minds eye. We were in the house that my father built. She was sitting in a chair in the living room, darning a pair of socks. Caring for a family of 10, she rarely had time to sit and relax. I remember her struggling to stay awake, exhausted by the many chores of the day. She sat quietly with her needle and thread in hand, her thimble on her finger. My eyes once again fill with tears as I see this vision in my minds eye. Those were happy days. I love her so deeply and am so grateful for her hard work and her dedication to our family. It was not always an easy life but we didn’t know that most of the time.
As the memories began to lift, I felt this overwhelming urge to get my mother’s needle and thimble. They are two of my most loved treasures. At one time mom had a great sewing box. As you can imagine with eight children there was always much mending to be done. On her journey from independent living, to assisted living, to memory care and now to long term care that box is now long gone. But in one of the moves, mom gave me a little brocade pouch. I love it because she weaved a single needle into the lining. And with the needle comes a remembering of happy and carefree days.
After some time, it came to me that I should share this experience as a journal entry on my website. In my work I see folks every day who are saying that “long goodbye” to their loved ones. I decided I would include a photo of my needle and thimble with the story and gathered my camera. I first laid down one of my mom’s old doilies. Anyone remember doilies? My mom always had them under every lamp. They too are among my treasures. I carefully laid out the doily, finding just the right spot, then upon it I placed the pouch, the needle and the thimble. I took a couple photos and the energy shifted. I felt a sense of completion and thanked mom for her visit.
It was time to get ready for work so I lifted my treasures from the doily to tuck them safely away. To my great delight, now on the spot where the pouch had laid was a lovely little white feather. Actually it was not lying down, instead it was standing straight up from the doily. My heart lept with joy! White feathers are given to me quite often when the angels or Divine Mother want to give me a message. They are given so that I will take notice as to what I was thinking or experiencing at that moment. They can be a confirmation of something or just a little “God wink” when my heart needs it most.
I love the ways that Spirit finds to let us know that we are not alone. Perhaps it’s a road sign or a license plate, a song on the radio, or a synchronicity that leaves you nearly speechless at it’s timeliness.
Angels find many ways to speak to us. Sometimes it is with a tiny feather that says, “Don’t be sad now my child. We are holding your mother in our arms and when the time comes, we will take her hands and we will see her all of the way HOME. You know that she cannot die. No one ever does. She is simply going back HOME. Be happy for her and know that she will love you forever.”
I love you mom. Thank you Divine Mother and thank you beautiful angels for holding her.