Journal Entry – Sunday, Oct 13
Well it has been an interesting day. We all made it through the anniversary of Brian’s passing, difficult as it was. I purchased some lovely small urns and filled them with Brian’s ashes knowing that the family would all be here today including Dontae and Will. I have been thinking from time to time about what would I do with Brian’s ashes when I was ready to release them.
Before he passed, I asked him that very question. He said that he would like them spread in the back yard as he always loved it there. I responded that if I did that, I would never be able to leave this house as I wouldn’t want to leave him there. I told him I could manage leaving some, just not all of him and he was ok with that. Of course, my thought was to take him to the mountains but that is my love really, not his. Last night I went outside to enjoy the full moon and it was beautiful. As I laid in bed later that evening, it came to me, like a dream before it had been dreamed. I was to take him to the harbor. Brian loved the Duluth Harbor and Canal Park. He spent so much time there when he was young. It was his favorite place. And there is no questioning the timing as I am to leave for Wisconsin this Thursday to see my family. I drifted off to sleep, happy knowing that this is what Brian would want.
I awoke early and remembered the message I had received before falling asleep. Brian spent many hours watching web cams on the harbor over the years. He knew the schedules of many of the ships and loved watching them come and go. Not only did he know them by name, he even knew them by the sound of their horns. I found it quite amazing. I went to my computer and googled Duluth Harbor Web Cams and it brought me to a site for a bed and breakfast. They have a web cam and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was one that Brian had once enjoyed. Suddenly I realized that I had been led to that site for a reason. If I were going to take Brian’s ashes to Minnesota, I would need a place to stay. This lovely bed a breakfast was right on the shore so I could watch the ships, sit quietly in front of a fireplace or on a private deck. It would be a place of comfort at the end of a difficult day of remembering and letting go.
I decided to email the inn to let them know of my plans. I felt it would be easier if I explained my reason for being there before my arrival. Just a short time later, I received a reply. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the subject line. It said simply, ” Brian.” It was then that I realized the proprietor of the inn was named Brian. The note was from his wife, Mary. It was short and very sweet. She said that she thought it was a wonderful idea to bring my Brian to the harbor. I had shared that Brian and I had been together for 45 years. She closed her note by saying, “you had 45 years with your Brian and in March it will be 45 years for me and my Brian”. Coincidence, I think not. A beautiful synchronistic confirmation of what I was to do and where I was to go? Absolutely. Thank you Spirit. Thank you, my love.